Ethereal
by Sandy O'Neill
Summary: Rick gets a visitor on Christmas Eve. Slash PWP. Please R&R.


Rick stared at the picture he held in his hand, the tears streaming down his face. He was consumed by anger, sadness, even guilt. Especially guilt. He felt so alone in this world. "I miss you so much, buddy…" he whispered. "Sometimes, I just feel like joining you… Wherever it is that you ended up, I'm sure that I'm going to the same place." He turned his gaze to the dresser drawer, slowly opening it up. He pulled out the gun and closed the drawer, slowly wrapping his fingers around the trigger. The drawer flew open conspicuously, a picture flying out of it and landing in front of him. It was a picture of himself, Mel, Jude, and Leah. He dropped the gun and picked up the picture frame, angrily throwing it against the wall. "I HATE YOU!!!" He screamed as he watched the glass from the frame shatter into a million little pieces. And it was true. He hated her. Hated her for leaving him all alone in his grief, and taking their daughter with her, so that now he had become as much a part-time father to her as he was to Jude. His breathing was heavy in anger as he made his way back over to the bed. He gripped the gun again, this time even more ready to pull the trigger. A picture fell off of the nightstand and onto the bed. This one of only himself, Jude, and Leah. And this time he knew that he couldn't pull the trigger. Couldn't leave his children like that. He loosed the gun from his grip, dropping it onto the floor. He sat, hunched over the pictures in his hand, the tears streaming down his face now more than ever. "I miss you… I miss you so much…" he cried. "I miss you and I never even got the chance to tell you how I really felt…" He cried, before suddenly feeling a hand on his shoulder. He turned to look and his hands went lax, dropping the pictures to the floor.

Phillip wiped the tears from Rick's face, caressing it gently with his icy hand. "So tell me now, buddy…" he whispered softly, his voice exactly the same as Rick remembered it.

"Phi… Phillip…" Rick said, barely able to get out even that one simple word.

"Well…" Phillip said. "It isn't Santa Claus…"

Rick laughed slightly, the tears still streaming down his face.

"Would you just stop crying, buddy…" Phillip said. "Please… I mean… For me…"

"I can't…" Rick said. "I have tried, and I have tried, and I have tried but I can't…"

"Let me take your mind off of the pain…" Phillip said, pulling Rick's face in closer to him and planting a soft kiss on his parted lips.

Rick shivered at the feel of Phillip's icy lips on his own. He pulled back from him and looked into his eyes. "You… You already know, don't you?" He asked.

"Of course I know…" Phillip said. "I just wish I would've realized it before I got pumped full of bullets…"

"Who did that to you?" Rick asked. "Please tell me… Please, Phillip, tell me… Please, I need to make it right…"

Phillip glanced quickly over to the broken glass on the floor, but Rick didn't notice. "It's not your place to make it right…" he said. "It's too late for it to be made right…"

"Phillip, please…" Rick said.

"If I can be at peace with it…" Phillip said. "Then so can you…"

"NO!" Rick said. "NO! You're the one who got off easy! You're dead, Phillip! I'm the one who's still here! I'm the one who's suffering! Or didn't you even think about that when you left before I even got the chance to say goodbye!"

"Hey!" Phillip shouted. "I didn't choose to get shot!"

Rick was shaking again, the tears still streaming down his face in torrents. "I know…" he whispered softly. "I'm sorry, Phillip…"

Phillip tried to wipe his tears away again, but they just kept falling. He pulled him into his arms and held him, softly running his fingers through his hair.

Rick cried on his shoulder before finally managing to get his tears under control. He pulled away from his chilly embrace and looked into his eyes once more. "Who would've thought I'd end up even crazier than you…" he said.

"You're not crazy, Rick…" Phillip replied.

"I see dead people!" Rick shouted. "I'm fucking hallucinating you!"

"I'm not a hallucination, Rick…" Phillip said. "And that's why you're so scared of me…"

"No…" Rick said. "No this is impossible… This is just… It can't be… I mean, there's no such thing as ghosts…"

"Yes there is, Rick…" Phillip said. "And you know it, buddy…"

Rick just stared at him, his eyes clouding with fear.

Phillip pulled him into another kiss, pushing his icy tongue into his hot mouth quite forcefully.

Rick pulled away from him. "Stop it…" he said softly, turning his gaze to look away from him.

"Why are you so afraid?" Phillip asked. "Why are you so afraid of getting what you've always wanted from me?"

"What I wanted from you was to spend the rest of my life with you by my side!" Rick said.

"I'll always be watching over you, buddy…" Phillip said.

"I want you by my side!" Rick said. "Not watching me from afar!"

"You know that can't be buddy…" Phillip said. "You know that I'm gone…"

"Then why are you here?" Rick said.

"Because…" Phillip said. "You need to find your peace with this, buddy… I can't move on if I have to constantly watch you suffering…"

"I miss you!" Rick said. "Don't you get that, Phillip? How would you have felt if I had died?"

"You don't think that I remember?" Phillip asked. "You don't think that I remember the desperation that I felt, sitting by that hospital bed?"

"BUT I LIVED!" Rick shouted.

"Yes, buddy, you did…" Phillip said. "Because that is the way that it was meant to be…"

"Meant to be?" Rick said. "Oh, it was fate? Don't give me any of that bullshit! My belief in fate died with you!"

"Well, maybe it needs to be reborn…" Phillip said.

"It can't be…" Rick said.

"This night…" Phillip said. "Is fate…"

"No…" Rick said. "This is the night where the grief finally overtakes me and I completely lose my mind…"

Phillip pulled Rick close to him again. "I know how much it hurts…" he said.

"No you don't!" Rick shouted. "You don't know! You don't know… You don't know how much it hurts, Phillip… I feel so empty inside…"

"Well… You don't have to…" Phillip said. "At least, not for tonight…"

"Phillip…"

Phillip pulled Rick back into the kiss and this time, for once, Rick didn't hesitate to kiss him back. Phillip slowly unbuttoned Rick's shirt and pulled it off of him, running an icy hand down Rick's chest.

Rick shivered in response, before pulling away from him.

"I know I'm cold…" Phillip said. "I'm sorry, I can't help it…"

"I can't do this, Phillip…" Rick whispered softly. "As much as I've always wanted… I just… I just can't…"

Phillip pushed Rick onto his back, pinning his hands above his head as he brought his lips back down onto his. Rick struggled against his grip and Phillip finally pulled away. "Stop thinking…" Phillip said. "Stop thinking. Stop worrying. Just lose yourself, buddy. Lose yourself in tonight. Lose yourself in this. Lose yourself in me. Lose control, Rick… Please. Just this once. Just let yourself feel."

Rick went lax in Phillip's grip and Phillip let him go in response. Rick's hands went straight to Phillip's face, pulling him in close for another kiss. "I want you, Phillip…" he whispered against his lips. "I want you so bad… I've always wanted you…"

"I know, buddy…" Phillip whispered, kissing his way down Rick's chest. He pulled Rick's pants off, wrapping his icy fingers around his cock.

Rick moaned softly at the sensation, unlike any other that he'd ever felt before. "Phillip…" he whimpered softly.

Phillip continued to stroke him as he moved back on top of him, trailing cold, soft kisses down his neck. Rick bucked himself up against Phillip's grip with a moan. Phillip moved Rick's legs apart and pushed himself against him. "Are you sure that this is what you want, buddy?" Phillip whispered into his ear.

"Yes…" Rick whimpered. "Yes, Phillip… Please…"

Phillip pushed himself into Rick with a groan. "God, Rick…" he moaned, throwing his head back as he started to move inside of him.

Rick brought his hands to Phillip's back, gripping him tightly, the sensations overwhelming him now, intensely unique. Phillip was ice cold, and yet he could feel his burning heat. "Oh, Phillip…" he groaned. "God, Phillip, yes…" He moved up against Phillip, matching every single one of his thrusts with equal fervor. Time stood still as they moved against each other, finally giving in to what they had both craved for so long, but before now had been unable to admit. Phillip stroked Rick faster as he could feel him getting close.

"Phillip! Phillip! Phillip!" Rick moaned, his whole body shuddering as his orgasm overtook him completely.

Phillip moved his mouth to Rick's shoulder as he could feel him tightening around him. He bit into him, moaning loudly against his skin.

Rick screamed out, his body still spasming tightly around Phillip's cock.

Phillip moaned louder as he finally came into Rick. His form went lax on top of him as he gasped for breath.

Rick's breathing was equally heavy underneath him.

Phillip moved off of him and Rick was quick to curl up into his embrace.

"I love you buddy…" Phillip whispered softly into his ear.

"I love you too, Phillip…" Rick said.

Phillip trailed his icy fingers over the mark his teeth had left on Rick's shoulder. "I promise you…" Phillip whispered. "That this is never going to go away…"

Rick laughed slightly. "Ok, buddy…" he whispered, his eyes now closed in exhaustion. "Whatever you say…"

Phillip held Rick in his arms until he could hear his breathing evening out in sleep. "Merry Christmas, buddy…" he whispered into his ear before kissing him softly on the cheek. "I wish that I could stay here with you forever…"


End file.
